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My Last Trip To Costco


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Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

 

What did she think I had an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

 

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

 

(Note: I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

 

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

 

Costco won't let me shop there anymore!

 

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

 

Happy Hump Day,

 

Mizerman

Edited by mizerman
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Mizerman you are indeed a sick man and a credit to these boards and the medical marijuana movement across the state of michigan. :goodjob:

Thank you Kingdiamond. My wife tells me that I am sick every day. She keeps threatening me that she is going to get "the signatures needed" to send me on a "clay pot making" and "macrame hanging basket making" vacation....

 

But, I'm still here.

 

LOL!

 

:jig:

Mizerman

:jig:

 

p.s. laughter is a great medicine even when life starts dumping on us...

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Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

 

What did she think I had an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

 

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

 

(Note: I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

 

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

 

Costco won't let me shop there anymore!

 

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

 

Happy Hump Day,

 

Mizerman

dude..that is some funny shiet..!!! I would have been fallin over...haha

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Hey,

 

I do what I can to try and "lighten the load"...

 

 

 

Mizerman a.k.a. "Mr. Pushups"

 

p.s. I swallowed a lot of aggression along with a lot of pizzas. But, by May 25th I'm going to be a lean, mean, fightin' machine! LMAO! :rock:

Edited by mizerman
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