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When I'm No Longer A Patient


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Something has been bothering me for awhile and I must get it off my chest, though it's taking me about an hour to write this.

 

When I first came here, I wasn't a patient. I wanted to be a caregiver but soon realized I couldn't do it. Despite my fears after getting an eye opening education from reading many messages here, I decided to take the plunge anyway. While I've been here I've seen some people say they will only give rides to cardholders and many events are only for cardholders, some allow significant others. I am glad to see they must prove they are legally registered. I have no significant others, though I do have some friends who are pt's and cg's. But if I'm unregistered, that leaves me out of all categories. To an outsider, it'd look suspicious, although I know you're doing nothing wrong, and it's your right to assemble. If I went to the Loft as a non patient, I would never have set foot in the Green Room. I know at events there's specially designated places for pt's, so I know I wouldn't go there. Unless you're just gathering privately to share medicine together, then of course a non patient would not be there. It makes me wonder if I'd still belong here if I don't reapply. Even if I never applied, I'd still wanna stand beside you. If I decide not to renew my card, I still want to rally with all of you and do my best to be there in your time of need and also celebrate your victories with you. I don't need to be a cardholder to do any of that. I'd still write letters, make phone calls, rally with you, comfort you, speak out for you, sing for you, write songs for you, donate money for the cause, and do all the things I'm doing now, though I would not be a pt. If I were a lawyer, I'd defend you in court. As any other profession, counselor, healer, whatever I would do, I'd still be on your side. I'm seriously considering not renewing my card, which is very ironic, because I have spent many years wishing for it to be legal, and I still do wish for that. My decision is personal. I don't go to events looking for medicine, I go for the socialization, to make friends and help out in some way if I can. When I was a partyer I didn't like smoking alone. If my condition was so bad that MM was the only thing that'd relieve it, I'd prob'ly renew. I'll be looking for other natural ways to help me, so don't worry, no pharma drugs for me! This is the right decision for me. In every other way, I am still beside you.

 

Will I still be welcome here? Would someone still help me if I needed it? If someone says they won't give a ride to a non patient, I guess that's their right, though it saddens me to think that someone who cares as deeply and passionately about this as I do would be denied, but I respect your decision and would never impose on you. I don't like imposing on anyone if I can help it. I still feel bad I took Chad away from the rally, yet he never complained, though he missed much of it for helping me. What an angel! I just hope that when I'm no longer a patient I will still be part of this community. Remember, I voted for this law too, I would've voted for it even if I hadn't considered applying. At the time I voted, I wasn't sure if I would, but I still believed in having the right to choose the medicine we feel is best for us, without govt interference. Also please remember, I am a very strong advocate for natural healing as well as the right to choose. We were all endowed with free will. We don't need govt to approve of our medical choices, or recreational, for that matter, as long as no one causes harm to others. Doing harm to ourselves is our choice, too, no one has the right to dictate to us, especially when people are not hurting anyone else. If someone's determined to have something that may or may not be good for them, no one's gonna stop them. The war on drugs people still haven't figured that out. Many people call Mj use a victimless crime. Interesting choice of words. It sure says alot about our society.

 

I don't know if I'll ever reapply, but I do know I still love all of you very much and hope I can still feel like I belong here.

 

Sincerely, in solidarity, Sb :wub:

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Kirsten, I'm sorry, I thought I explained it clearly. Whenever I see an event, someone says "cardholders only, and (sometimes also) significant others." and this is not just for private events. I'm not questioning private events.

 

Tooldini, thank you.

 

Q-tipper, silly, perhaps, but very real to me to be concerned.

 

Oh dear Bb, no, my friend, I'm not jumping ship. That's why I wrote this thing. I know it's about more than MM.

 

Sb

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Sb,

 

I totally understand what you message. I am debating my status with the decision to release info to the feds. My problem is with my position 'they' have connections and could have their buddies check the registry and I will be made very public. You see even though its local politics they play dirty politics. My better half would also suffer as a business owner as well. All of the recent developments have given quite a few of us food for thought for many different reasons. I'm still on the fence and must make my mind up soon. I probably will take my chances and renew because of the rebel in me and the fact this is the only relief from pain I have now. Hang in there girl, I'm in this with you too. I will pm you latter today.

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Something has been bothering me for awhile and I must get it off my chest, though it's taking me about an hour to write this.

 

When I first came here, I wasn't a patient. I wanted to be a caregiver but soon realized I couldn't do it. Despite my fears after getting an eye opening education from reading many messages here, I decided to take the plunge anyway. While I've been here I've seen some people say they will only give rides to cardholders and many events are only for cardholders, some allow significant others. I am glad to see they must prove they are legally registered. I have no significant others, though I do have some friends who are pt's and cg's. But if I'm unregistered, that leaves me out of all categories. To an outsider, it'd look suspicious, although I know you're doing nothing wrong, and it's your right to assemble. If I went to the Loft as a non patient, I would never have set foot in the Green Room. I know at events there's specially designated places for pt's, so I know I wouldn't go there. Unless you're just gathering privately to share medicine together, then of course a non patient would not be there. It makes me wonder if I'd still belong here if I don't reapply. Even if I never applied, I'd still wanna stand beside you. If I decide not to renew my card, I still want to rally with all of you and do my best to be there in your time of need and also celebrate your victories with you. I don't need to be a cardholder to do any of that. I'd still write letters, make phone calls, rally with you, comfort you, speak out for you, sing for you, write songs for you, donate money for the cause, and do all the things I'm doing now, though I would not be a pt. If I were a lawyer, I'd defend you in court. As any other profession, counselor, healer, whatever I would do, I'd still be on your side. I'm seriously considering not renewing my card, which is very ironic, because I have spent many years wishing for it to be legal, and I still do wish for that. My decision is personal. I don't go to events looking for medicine, I go for the socialization, to make friends and help out in some way if I can. When I was a partyer I didn't like smoking alone. If my condition was so bad that MM was the only thing that'd relieve it, I'd prob'ly renew. I'll be looking for other natural ways to help me, so don't worry, no pharma drugs for me! This is the right decision for me. In every other way, I am still beside you.

 

Will I still be welcome here? Would someone still help me if I needed it? If someone says they won't give a ride to a non patient, I guess that's their right, though it saddens me to think that someone who cares as deeply and passionately about this as I do would be denied, but I respect your decision and would never impose on you. I don't like imposing on anyone if I can help it. I still feel bad I took Chad away from the rally, yet he never complained, though he missed much of it for helping me. What an angel! I just hope that when I'm no longer a patient I will still be part of this community. Remember, I voted for this law too, I would've voted for it even if I hadn't considered applying. At the time I voted, I wasn't sure if I would, but I still believed in having the right to choose the medicine we feel is best for us, without govt interference. Also please remember, I am a very strong advocate for natural healing as well as the right to choose. We were all endowed with free will. We don't need govt to approve of our medical choices, or recreational, for that matter, as long as no one causes harm to others. Doing harm to ourselves is our choice, too, no one has the right to dictate to us, especially when people are not hurting anyone else. If someone's determined to have something that may or may not be good for them, no one's gonna stop them. The war on drugs people still haven't figured that out. Many people call Mj use a victimless crime. Interesting choice of words. It sure says alot about our society.

 

I don't know if I'll ever reapply, but I do know I still love all of you very much and hope I can still feel like I belong here.

 

Sincerely, in solidarity, Sb :wub:

 

 

I would never condemn nor exclude you from our "circle".....Fear is an evil beast, you have every right to feel it, I hope I have the right to ask you to fight it. Fear is the only reason this insanity has went on as long as it has. We must end it. stand with us, but if you must protest from the shadows, ill not hold it against you.

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Sb,

 

I totally understand what you message. I am debating my status with the decision to release info to the feds. My problem is with my position 'they' have connections and could have their buddies check the registry and I will be made very public. You see even though its local politics they play dirty politics. My better half would also suffer as a business owner as well. All of the recent developments have given quite a few of us food for thought for many different reasons. I'm still on the fence and must make my mind up soon. I probably will take my chances and renew because of the rebel in me and the fact this is the only relief from pain I have now. Hang in there girl, I'm in this with you too. I will pm you latter today.

 

We really must be careful about doing the fear spreading for the enemy lol.....I know the court case, and i know it seems scary. but your fear is based on a court ruling correct?....well we also know there's a court ruling about conflicting laws, the info is still protected under hippa, it will be appealed, we will win. end of story. i fully understand it may not be that simple, but its not so clear cut that we should all go running back to our "closest" to hide lol

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Sb you will always be welcome in my house and if you ever need any help I will be there for you, card or not. The only thing I see and I have said to many is if we don't renew and go back underground, they will win. These are tough times, but in any movement or cause there is always the period of struggle. We will win this thing and would love to have you still be a part of it. You are a wonderful and big hearted person and anyone that knows you or has met you has and will become a better person for knowing you. I hope you decide to renew so they don't get a chance to win.

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It's more than just fear of them. I didn't let fear of them stop me from applying, remember? I appreciate the understanding I've seen and again apologize for any confusion. I'm not giving in to their fearmongering, that I can assure you, it is a concern but there's more to it than that. If I stood in shadows, to me that'd mean not even speaking out. Now THAT would be giving in to the fear. So any opponents should know I will not back down. The world doesn't need to know specifics of my decision. It's personal, no need to give our enemy more to use against us, it's NONE of their business, but I will stand with you and fight with you in any way I can. This community is very dear to me, so much so that I wanna be closer to you, to cut down on traveling time and expenses, and be more active, be at trials, meetings, rallies, and celebrate your victories with you. My other concern is, although I won't be a pt, there will still be some willing to help me. Those who know me know what I need. I have physical limitations. I don't like to advertise and I don't ask for much.

 

I wish every high profile person, as well as ALL of us, would have the courage to come out and speak out, not just celebrities, we need more than just an occasional ex-leo; we need EVERYONE in EVERY rank, class, and position, if enough of us did it, MAYBE certain people would realize the folly of their ways, or at least be scared enough to back down when they realize how many of us are out there who THEY DEPEND ON. They have NO IDEA- I wish we could tell them! I have ideas on how it might work, but we need the numbers, we need the backing AND especially THE COMMITMENT. This war has to STOP NOW. There are so many more of us than there are of them. It's a very small number that have way too much power over the masses. It's a tired old scenario, an outdated, historical FAILURE. I'm a rebel at heart, it's gotten me in trouble but it's also liberated me. When something happens to ANY of us, we NEED TO BE THERE FOR THEM! People need to see that there ARE MANY good people in various offices, who ARE patients, who DO benefit from MM. I do agree about not hiding in the shadows. If only enough people would come out. One day, soon I hope, enough will tire of being ruled by fear. It's starting to happen, but not fast enough. Throughout the world, people are speaking out and risking their lives. Life is risky, I wish it weren't so. Life is about compromise, we compromise some comfort and juggle our fears and discomforts. I wish it weren't so. It's so stressful. Life has been made to be too complicated. It's become acceptable to believe that it has to be. This is so wrong! All my life I've lived in fear, since very early childhood. I wasn't as badly abused as Bb and many others, but I did get seriously abused enough to scar me for life. Abuse in ANY form is wrong. People think we deserve it, they are SO WRONG! We have to make it stop! We, the People, are the only ones who can do it. They won't back down. We can try to educate them, respectfully show them the facts, treat them with respect, even though they don't deserve it, but MAYBE SOMEONE WILL LISTEN if we do, and actually CONSIDER our side. They don't see it as a patient or caregiver, or family member of a loved one dying or suffering from unbearable pain, trying everything they could, searching desperately for relief. In every war, there's winners and losers. Which shall it be? We've lost too much already. haven't we had enough? Isn't it time for us to WIN? Bb will say we're winning. I sure hope so. How many battles have we won? Can we win the war? How badly do you want to win?

 

So I won't abandon ship unless there's no other choice, or I get thrown overboard.

 

Thank you all for your Kindness. You are my Family.

 

Sincerely, Sb :wub:

 

EDIT: One way to start overcoming our fear is to VOTE OUR CONSCIENCE instead of voting by fear.

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Sb, The MMMA welcomes warriors like you. The struggle is about basic human rights. Struggles and wars aren't pretty. They are gritty, hard, and sometimes even violent. But if they are worth fighting, good people will stand up. The abuse that was directed at me, made me more protective towards others. Even though the abuse was horrific, something good came of it. The fight we find ourselves engaged in is about human rights. If you choose to stand with us, regardless of your status, you will be welcomed. We are working on a compressed timeline. People must make up their minds how far they are willing to go to defend this right. Are you willing to do, what was done in Birmingham, Selma, Kent State? Or if they do attempt to destroy our law, will we just accept their judgement. We will be tested soon. As always, it will be up to the People's Party, what we do and how we proceed. Thanks, Bb

 

Made me think of the song that the ones of the Freedom Riders they put in prison sang, they even sang with their mouths closed so guards could not tell if an individual was singing.......................

 

"Buses are a commin,...Oh yea"

 

And they did!

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Thank you all so very much. I'm not used to having anyone respect me. It's as a rare as knowing true Compassion. You accepted me as I am. That means more to me than any words can express. You have shown me True Compassion, and not just me, but for the whole world to see. I've seen so much Kindness at this site. :)

 

1337Gr33n, LOL about "Silverblue clause." Thank you for the compliment. If I had met you, I'm sorry I don't remember.

 

I will make a nametag from now on and I hope people will introduce themselves to me, if I''m not feeling too shy I'll go up to someone and introduce myself, too.

 

Sincerely, Sb :blush:

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1337Gr33n, LOL about "Silverblue clause." Thank you for the compliment. If I had met you, I'm sorry I don't remember.

Sincerely, Sb :blush:

i stood next to you for a while after the rally, in the lounge. Joe introduced you to Zach and Michael, whom i was talking with. But at that point, Joe had not met me to introduce you to me. after reading many of your posts, and seeing/hearing you after the rally, i got all the info i needed to know i was cool with you. :)

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i stood next to you for a while after the rally, in the lounge. Joe introduced you to Zach and Michael, whom i was talking with. But at that point, Joe had not met me to introduce you to me. after reading many of your posts, and seeing/hearing you after the rally, i got all the info i needed to know i was cool with you. :)

Oh OK. You were sitting at a table with Michael I think, with 1 or 2 other people. Others were standing nearby. I think I remember Michael got up to shake my hand, I had made a joke, something like, "can't find a lawyer when ya need one". There was so much going on, everyone was talking at once, I could barely hear myself or anyone else. I was so tired and sore but so glad I could be there.

 

Sb :)

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