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Employee Busted Sneaking Weed Into Pentagon


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Civilian Employee Busted Sneaking Weed Into the Pentagon


Stoners may have access to nukes and other weapons of mass destruction, as a recent shakedown of employees at the Department of Defense has led to the discovery of nearly an ounce of weed being smuggled in right through the front doors of Uncle Sam’s war nerve.


According to reports, a blitzkrieg style search, called an “enhanced screening” process by Pentagon officials, was conducted earlier last week by the Pentagon Force Protection Agency. And while officers did expect to uncover some unauthorized contraband like pocketknives, expandable batons and pepper spray, they were shocked to discover an Army civilian with balls big enough to attempt to smuggle in 25 grams of marijuana.


Of course, we do not have to tell you that transporting weed into any government facility, much less the godforsaken Pentagon, is sorely frowned upon by the red, white and blue gentlemen at the top. However, aside from learning that the offender could be subjected to federal penalties for the commission of a Class B misdemeanor, officials at the Department of Defense say they refuse to give any further insight into the portrait of the Pentagon pothead.


There is a distinct possibility, however, that the employee simply forgot about holding a fat sack of weed. Pentagon screening rules indicate that an employee can refuse a search and simply forfeit admission into the building. Anyone knowingly possessing marijuana during a company shakedown would have certainly denied the search and returned at a time when there was less risk of being lynched on the White House lawn for possession with intent to distribute.


Nevertheless, a bust of this magnitude would typically warrant prosecution through the U.S. Attorney’s Office in the Eastern District Court. However, a recent investigation of the “Pentagon docket” shows nothing regarding a hearing for possession charges. That means that either the culprit has been exonerated of the charges or military cronies simply haven’t finished waterboarding the poor gentleman yet.

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