"Hey doc, I'm stressed, can't sleep, am always scared, been abused, misunderstood, falsely accused, judged, condemned, ridiculed... Hey doc, I lost my appetite. It's been so long since I've been held, hugged, loved, treated fairly... I hurt so bad... Can ya help me?"

"Well, I can give you something to keep you from crying, you won't feel afraid, you won't feel anything."

"OK doc, now I don't feel anything, but people are still mistreating me, so that didn't solve the problem, just made me shielded from the pain their abuse. WHY am I not supposed to care?"

"Hey doc, I'm tired of feelin' like a zombie, I can't function. I need REAL help. My heart is broken, I'm hurtin' so bad."

"GET OVER IT."

Am I asking for anything I don't deserve? Am I being unreasonable? Getting over it would be easy if people would QUIT ABUSING ME. I know I'm not the only one, but that's NO COMFORT. How about some COMPASSION? Well, if I really have to ASK... Well? DO I? A guy once said, after dealing with some really heavy trauma, "nobody asks me, how do you feel?" WOW, ya know, that really hit me hard. Nobody even thinks to ASK, they just assume, but it'd sure be nice if someone reached out and asked anyway. I guess I'm just as guilty for not doing this. I'm sorry.

"Hey doc, I got something better, it helps, though it still doesn't solve the problem, it does take the edge off the pain. People are still trying to take my rights away, control me, treat me like shyt, damage me, then tell me it's MY fault I'm damaged.. There's no respect, though I've come to respect myself and accept myself as I am, a disabled, frazzled, broken down, cynical, dreamer yet practical, peaceful, reluctant warrior who's only crime was being different, not playing the game, daring to think for myself, walking my talk, daring to question authority, trying to prove myself worthy, trying to play their game, failing, falling, picking myself up again, fighting back, refusing to be silent, oppressed, doing my best not to let them destroy me. I know I'm not the only one, but that's of no comfort, I'm still alone."

NO MEDICINE, not even all the medicine in the world can take the place of love, respect, common sense, justice, fairness, kindness, compassion, responsibility, tolerance, acceptance, acknowledgement, caring, rights, equality, consideration, individuality, autonomy, "I AM." I AM Valuable, valid, deserving, creative, kind, gentle, loving, caring, considerate, tolerant, a healer, gifted, different, I live by example, do my best. If all live were precious, there'd be no abuse. If you can't love your children, don't have any, don't keep them, give them to someone who will truly love them.

I have my pains, hopes, dreams, just like you, I just don't share them all. Most my life I've known abuse, getting everything I didn't need, and too little of what I need most. I don't discuss in detail my personal life in public, I don't need to get ripped out of my mind to have fun, I wouldn't medicate with others, it's not a party, it's MEDICINE. I just want to ease the pain.

Please don't hate me.

For just once, before I leave this world, which I HOPE I don't come back to, I'd like to know what it's like to feel free, loved, etc. It's so sad to think that only death will set me free. Don't worry, I won't take my own life, I'm too much of a coward to. "Life is what you make it," they say. "You can't be loved till you love yourself," they say, but those statements are only partially true. No one is an island. HOW can we feel love if there's no one to give it and show us? We all need someone to gently guide us, show us by example, and give us love.

"But here, you have this medicine, it'll help you, though it won't fix the world's poor attitude and bad behavior, but it's better than nothing, it doesn't matter whether or not you deserve any better, just take what we'll give you, don't complain, and SHUT UP! You think you're the only one who suffers, etc.???? You have NO RIGHT to complain! Just ACCEPT IT, that's part of life, tough shyt stupid!"

"OK, thanks a lot, I thought you cared, guess I was wrong... bye."

Oh well, if I can't have understanding, compassion, love, etc, I may've as well have my medicine. Thanks for your help.

Sincerely, Sb