How A Bout A Laugh?

[AKenewell]

I love this one..... Anyone else have a joke to share?

 

Little Johnny came home from school one day and said to his father, "Dad, what can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow."

 

The father thought some and said, "Okay, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy. Let's say that I'm capitalism because I'm the breadwinner. Your mother will be government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?"

 

Little Johnny said, "Well, Dad, I don't know, but I'll think about what you said."

 

Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, Johnny was woken up by his brother's crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper. So, he went down the hall to his parent's bedroom and found his father's side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn't wake up. Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid.

 

Because he couldn't do anything else, he turned and went back to bed.

 

The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, "Dad, I think I understand politics much better now."

 

"Excellent, my boy," he answered, "What have you learned?"

 

Little Johnny thought for a minute and said, "I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class, while the government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future's full of chit."

[Grow Thread]

a women gets pulled over on her way to work . the cop asks the usual question, "why are you in such a hurry?" the women replies that she is late for work, and he cuts her off her speech and says "I suppose you have a really important job like a doctor where it is a matter of life and death that you be there in a hurry huh?" the lady says "no actually I am a azzhole stretcher". the cop says "an azzhole stretcher, what is that?" to which the woman replies, "it is where you start with one finger and then work in a second and so on until you got your whole hand in there and then the other hand and you keep stretching until it is about six foot".

 

the cop, completely stunned by what he has just heard says "well what do you do with a six foot azzhole?", and the lady answers, " give them a gun and badge and have them pull people over that are late for work"

[drtarzanmd]

[AKenewell]

:D :D LOL :D :D

[AKenewell]

[Zombiefied]

The salmon and the fly.

One day a fly was buzzing about.

A salmon noticed the fly

He thought to himself, if that fly drops 6" I am gunna snag him.

Well the salmon didnt know that he was being watched by a bear.

The bear thought to himself, if that fly drops 6", and that salmon jumps up to snag him, I am gunna snag the salmon.

Well the bear didnt know there was a hunter watching him.

The hunter thought, if the fly drops, the salmon jumps, and the bear gets the salmon, I am gunna shoot the bear.

Well the hunter didnt know there was a mouse watching him.

The mouse thought, if the fly drops, the salmon jumps, the bear grabs, and the hunter shoots, I am gunna get the cheese in his pocket.

The mouse didnt know that a cat was watching him.

The cat thought, if the fly drops, and the salmon jumps, and the bear grabs, and the hunter shoots, and the mouse gets the cheese, I am going to get the mouse.

Well, the fly dropped 6", and the salmon jumped up in the air and snagged the fly, the bear reached out and grabbed the salmon,

the hunter took his shot and killed the bear, the mouse leaped in and grabbed the cheese, and the cat jumped at the mouse, missed and landed in the water.

 

What was the morel of the story?

When a fly drops 6", p***y gets wet!

[AKenewell]

Husband Down

 

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

 

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

 

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.

 

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

 

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

 

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

 

'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

 

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's only half the price.'

 

On the PA system: 'Cleanup on aisle 5, we have a husband down.'

[AKenewell]

Why sentence structure is so important!

 

The boss had to fire somebody and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.

 

It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

 

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went straight to the cooler to take an aspirin.

 

The boss approached her and said: 'Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off.'

 

'Could you jack off?' she says. 'I feel like chit'

[______]

The doorbell at the Bunny Ranch rings.

 

The madam opens the door and sees a man with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. She says "can I help you?" He replies " I want to make love to one of your women."

The madam is taken aback and she ask him "How are you going to have sex with one of my girls? You don't have any arms or legs." He says "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"

[AKenewell]

For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

 

The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

 

Little Johnny told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike."

[______]

An elderly lady goes into her dentist office. When the staff calls her to the back she hikes up her dress, takes off her panties and sits in the chair with her feet up in the air.

The Dentist tellher that this is a dental clinic and not a gynecology office. She says "I know, I just need you to get my husbands dentures back".

[Grow Thread]

An elderly lady goes into her dentist office. When the staff calls her to the back she hikes up her dress, takes off her panties and sits in the chair with her feet up in the air.

The Dentist tellher that this is a dental clinic and not a gynecology office. She says "I know, I just need you to get my husbands dentures back".

 

ooops just spit coffee on myself over that one

[Marijuana Ranch]

420Laugh,

 

Mike Cox's, the Marijuana Hater thinks he can be the Gov...

However if we do not vote in a Block against the likes of him the Joke may be on Us!

[AKenewell]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y09YOkVmGg0

[AKenewell]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVBmOOsnWME