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Life Without My Daughter

wozerdozer

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wozerdozer Advanced Member

wozerdozer

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Some of you already know but 94 days ago my 12 y/o daughter died in her sleep. How? Beats me they cant seem to find a cause. They said it would take 8 to 12 weeks for the autopsy reports to confirm a cause. Well 12 weeks came and we had to call them. They told us that they cant find a reason why and that it will take another 6 months for further tests. So for 12 weeks we had to worry about what ifs. What if it was something in the house, what if it was something in the soil or water,what if its hereditary, what if whatever it was that killed my daughter takes my 15 y/o son also. These are things that take over my every waking thought of almost every day. And now I have to worry these thoughts for another 6 months. The only thing that has kept me going besides my son is the fact that I have medical marijuana to get my mind right. When I get angry I smoke and then im all smiles, when i get anxious it slowes me down and calms me, when i get sad well it just keeps me from doing something stupid. Let me tell you even with medical marijuana the last 94 days have been the most hellish time of my life. I just want to scream. And sometimes I do. But unfortunately I have come to the end of my steady supply. I had a good perpetual grow going and havent ran out in over a year. For some time after my daughter died I just couldnt drag myself out of bed to even do anything to keep my perpetual going. I lost strains, plants died, and plants grew to stringy to put into bud. So now I am out of meds and I still have 8 weeks to go before I will have any meds. Im scared that my gf and others around me are not gonna be able to stand to be around me untill then. I am officially going on 26 hours without and I can feel my blood pressure building. I can feel the anxiety, and depression creeping up on me and anger will be close behind all that. I dont know what im gonna do for the next 8 weeks. I have no money comeing in and my girls checks are not enough to keep up all the bills. So we have to put some of them on hold to make sure the water and electricity gets paid. As I write this I am waiting for my internet to be shut off. Insurance on both vehicles had to be canceled. The list goes on and on. I know none of you can really do anything to make my pain and troubles go away. I just wanted to update all of you who responded to my first letter when my daughter died and I also needed a place to vent. Im prolly gonna do alot of it in the next 8 weeks. So sorry in advance if I come off as an azzhole. I really am a good guy i just have some issues at this point in time that are hard for me to deal with. So thanks to everyone who responded the first time. And thanks to anyone else that reads my letter for letting me vent.

 

Thanks

Wozer - Aka Dave

 

 

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wozerdozer Advanced Member

wozerdozer

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Thanks Q tipper. That is why I post here. I feel more comfortable posting my feelings and concerns here because of the compassion I have witnessed and even experienced on this site. Believe me when I say I want to give up on a daily basis. But I cant and I wont because I have my son and older daughter and my grandson to live for. But darn life is so hard. I sometimes feel like there is no way out of my nightmare. Thanks again for letting me vent

 

 

Thanks

Wozer

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wozerdozer Advanced Member

wozerdozer

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I hear ya Q tipper. But it was suppose to be me first. And yes life is a test. But im sick of being tested this way. I lost my 5 y/o sister the day after her 5th b-day when I was 10. She went in to have her tonsills out on her b-day and they sent her home hours later. And during the night she started bleeding again and essentially she drowned on her own blood. And then again when I was 19 with my dads heart attack. I have survived those tests. I shouldnt have to be tested like this again at 36. But if the bad gives way to some good I am so ready for some good in my life. Sometimes it dont feel like it will ever get good again.

 

 

Thanks

Wozer

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Silverblue Advanced Member

+Silverblue

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wozerdozer I've been thinking about you often and wondered how you were doing. It's hard to imagine what you're going through. I wish I could take your pain away. Hopefully someone will come through for you. Life is a test, the lessons are very hard and painful and it's hard to understand why. At least you're not alone, and you have us, too. :bighug:

 

I know how hard it is to stay focused and not worry when something happens that turns life totally upside down. I can hardly imagine what you're going through. I hope whatever caused it won't be something that can happen again. Please take care of yourself.

 

Sincerely, Sb :wub:

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wozerdozer Advanced Member

wozerdozer

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Hey 1337Gr33n. I would love to sit and hit the bong with you someday. But i dont see my finances getting me to that part of michigan anytime soon. But I wont be down forever so maybe one of these days that will happen. Untill then thanks for your compassion.

 

 

Wozer

Dozer

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Guest thequietone

Guest thequietone

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Wozer, you have been in my thoughts and prayers since you posted about this tragedy. Even though you are missing your daughter remember she is with our Lord and in a better place, a place where she will be watching over you and the family until the time you are all together again.

 

I have a little that I can spare for you brother. If anyone else would like to donate something for our brother in need and live in the GR area I will make the trip to the east side of the state to drop it off to Wozer. Contact me through PM or this thread and I will arrange for the collection and make the trip the first part of next week.

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wozerdozer Advanced Member

wozerdozer

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Yes I will be there one way or another. I was at the last Lansing rally 22 days after my daughter died. I met Tarzan down there. He's a good guy I dont think he realized who I was cause of all the comotion going on. I was actually in the opening frame of one of the videos that was posted on here awhile back. I was the tall shaved head fat guy with a Man made booze and god made Marijuana who do you trust shirt on.

 

Thanks

Wozer

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wozerdozer Advanced Member

wozerdozer

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Thank you thequietone!!! I dont know what to say. My own family doesnt have the compassion that all of you on this site have for me rite now. I have some close relatives that are legal caregivers. And there words to me were "Hey for you Ill let you get an ounce for 250 but on a front till sept. ill have to get three for it" So as you can see I have better family on here than I do in the real world.People forget real quick that my world is at a stand still while theres is moving forward. It makes me sick. But I will be sure to let them have a piece of my mind when I tell them of the generosity from strangers in my time of need. Thanks again for all the kindness of this site. I will be part of the brotherhood here as long as this site is here. Love to all of you!!!

 

 

Thanks

Wozer

 

 

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mibrains Advanced Member

mibrains

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Wozer...

((((huggs))))

my best friend lost their 16yo daughter in feb. bam she dropped dead in the living room at 11 o'clock at night. no apparent reason... all test's negative. it was then dr bob told me about cardiac myapathy and how many children die every year.

life is short.

hug your loved ones every day...

everything changes in an instant.

my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your loved ones.

 

stay strong if your able, and i would be happy to donate some meds for u. i will see if i can't gather some resources and we can get together some help up here and send it your way friend.

 

peace.

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EdwardGlen Advanced Member

+EdwardGlen

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drtarzan I sent you an e-mail. Thank you very much. I will repay your kindness.

 

 

Wozer

 

I don't have any cash but I have a gift card for Meijers and sounds like you're in need more than we are. PM me where to send it, we just received it at church last week good for a year.

 

 

Bear up the hands that hang down, by faith and prayer; support the tottering knees. Storm the throne of grace and persevere therein, and mercy will come down.

- John Wesley

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drtarzanmd Advanced Member

drtarzanmd

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drtarzan I sent you an e-mail. Thank you very much. I will repay your kindness.

 

 

Wozer

 

 

Don't even worry about it My Friend ... :bighug:

 

Im a Very Blessed Man ....

 

God has blessed me much more then I've earned ...

 

I wish i understood why God allows things to happen ?

 

Trust me ... I too have had a hard Life and

thats why i do what i do ....

 

I do Not want to EVER forget where i came from

or take my Blessings for granted ...

 

Hang in there my Friend

 

Card will go out in the Mail first thing Monday Morning

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mibrains Advanced Member

mibrains

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Don't even worry about it My Friend ... :bighug:

 

Im a Very Blessed Man ....

 

God has blessed me much more then I've earned ...

 

I wish i understood why God allows things to happen ?

 

Trust me ... I too have had a hard Life and

thats why i do what i do ....

 

I do Not want to EVER forget where i came from

or take my Blessings for granted ...

 

Hang in there my Friend

 

Card will go out in the Mail first thing Monday Morning

 

:goodjob::goodjob:

 

hey please don't seal that envelope

 

I'll be there Monday morning,

 

and would like to add a small contribution if i could...

 

please and thank you.

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