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Man Infected With Ebola Misinformation

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Man Infected with Ebola Misinformation Through Casual Contact With Cable News

By Andy Borowitz




CANTON, OH (The Borowitz Report)—An Ohio man has become infected with misinformation about the Ebola virus through casual contact with cable news, the Centers for Disease Control has confirmed.


Tracy Klugian, thirty-one, briefly came into contact with alarmist Ebola hearsay during a visit to the Akron-Canton airport, where a CNN report about Ebola was showing on one of the televisions in the airport bar. “Mr. Klugian is believed to have been exposed to cable news for no more than ten minutes, but long enough to become infected,” a spokesman for the C.D.C. said. “Within an hour, he was showing signs of believing that an Ebola outbreak in the United States was inevitable and unstoppable.”


Once Klugian’s condition was apparent, the Ohio man was rushed to a public library and given a seventh-grade biology textbook, at which point he “started to stabilize,” the spokesman said.


But others exposed to the widening epidemic of Ebola misinformation may not be so lucky. “A man in Oklahoma was exposed to Elisabeth Hasselbeck on Fox for over three minutes,” the C.D.C. spokesman said gravely. “We hope we’re not too late.”

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  • 2 weeks later...

When you see the prez NOT going to fundraisers,get worried. We all know that ERs will be the places of contamination, Plus it's Flu season. Stock market dumped before it was even announced. Pharma is your friend now. Hopefully a vaccine for the whole world. Or maybe just time for a die-off like the dinosaurs.I don't trust any Govt,we are just the un-washed masses.

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Excuse me if I do not peee my pants because the stock market dropped 170 points today and maybe if republicans hadn't cut the budgets for research and CDC funding,... we would be a little further ahead. 


 Eh,... wtvr,... The typical flu will likely kill tens of thousands more in the US this year than ebola. ;-)


It must be gods plan....




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Excuse me if I do not peee my pants because the stock market dropped 170 points today and maybe if republicans hadn't cut the budgets for research and CDC funding,... we would be a little further ahead.


Eh,... wtvr,... The typical flu will likely kill tens of thousands more in the US this year than ebola. ;-)


It must be gods plan....




God uses the flu to kill about 30,000 people in the US each year. I'm afraid of god - not Ebola. Edited by Highlander
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In a related development,


Some Fear Ebola Outbreak Could Make Nation Turn to Science


By Andy Borowitz


NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—There is a deep-seated fear among some Americans that an Ebola outbreak could make the country turn to science.


In interviews conducted across the nation, leading anti-science activists expressed their concern that the American people, wracked with anxiety over the possible spread of the virus, might desperately look to science to save the day.


“It’s a very human reaction,” said Harland Dorrinson, a prominent anti-science activist from Springfield, Missouri. “If you put them under enough stress, perfectly rational people will panic and start believing in science.”


Additionally, he worries about a “slippery slope” situation, “in which a belief in science leads to a belief in math, which in turn fosters a dangerous dependence on facts.”


At the end of the day, though, Dorrinson hopes that such a doomsday scenario will not come to pass. “Time and time again through history, Americans have been exposed to science and refused to accept it,” he said. “I pray that this time will be no different.”



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No one is innocent. We are born with original sin.




Being concerned is one thing,... panicking is something else.


And well, as soon as I heard this ebola case was in Texas, I knew it would spread.  Texas healthcare systems are horrible, espescially privately owned religious based hospitals.  They are too busy making sure no one is having an abortion to actually be prepared for real emergencies.  Their staff is underpaid and their equipment is subpar,... all to make a small group of people richer.  Let alone, this happened in a State run by Rick "the little dumber boy" Perry who is about as sharp as a dildo and who ran away to Europe because he is a germaphobe.  Hahaha...


 Anyhow,... yea,... Texas sux and doesn't want Federal government in their healthcare system.  Secession right?  Government is bad? I believe he wanted to close down the department of health and human services.  He freaked out because the NRA told him that the surgeon general nominee once said that gun injuries are a problem in emergency rooms across the country. 


 Um yeap. There was no doubt that it would spread in Texas. 


 But that Nurse was insanely irresponsible flying while taking care of an ebola patient. But hey,... FREEDOM. The government cant tell you where and when you can do anything! FREEDOM!. 


Maybe we should start putting these patients in those FEMA camps all the right wing nutto's have been talking about.







p.s.  for those that don't know me,.. this whole post is dripping in sarcasm. Espescially the first line. ;-)

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Ebola crisis: Vaccine 'too late' for outbreak
By Simon CoxBBC Radio 4's File on Four

Dr Ripley Ballou, GSK: "It normally takes 7 to 10 years to develop a vaccine"

UK pharmaceuticals firm GlaxoSmithKline says its Ebola vaccine will "come too late" for the current epidemic.

GSK is one of several companies trying to fast-track a vaccine to prevent the spread of Ebola in West Africa.

But Dr Ripley Ballou, head of GSK's Ebola vaccine research, said full data on its safety and efficacy would not be ready until late 2015.

The World Health Organization (WHO) says more than 9,000 people have been infected and more than 4,500 have died.

Health workers are struggling to contain the spread of the virus, which is mostly affecting people in Liberia, Guinea and Sierra Leone.

The WHO has warned there could soon be 10,000 new cases a week.

Leading experts who have previously tackled Ebola believe the only way to contain the outbreak is with a vaccine.

Several trials

Prof Peter Piot, director of the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, first discovered Ebola in 1976. He is worried that the outbreak could last well into next year.

"Then only a vaccine can stop it, but we still have to prove that this vaccine protects, we don't know that for sure," he said

_78289066_nicktest.jpgNick Owen is taking part in the UK vaccine trial

There are several vaccine trials under way. The Public Health Agency in Canada has started human testing, and a Russian project is planning to do the same.

At GSK's vaccine research laboratories outside Brussels, they are trying to compress trials that would normally take up to 10 years into just 12 months.

They have already given the vaccine to volunteers taking part in the trial in Africa, the US - where they are working alongside the National Institute of Health - and the UK.

'Small sacrifice'

Volunteer Nick Owen was injected two weeks ago at the centre for Vaccinology and Tropical Medicine in Oxford and will have regular check-ups for the next six months.

Continue reading the main story

Find out more

Listen to File on Four's report on Ebola on BBC Radio 4 on 21 October at 20.00 BST or later on iPlayer

He said he had not hesitated to take part.

"It's a horrific disease, it's unimaginable what people are going through and it seemed like a really small sacrifice to make," he said.

In the next phase of the trial, the company hopes it will have 20,000 doses ready to be tested by health workers early next year.

When the outbreak was first declared in March, GSK had discussions with the World Health Organization about accelerating the development of the Ebola vaccine, Dr Ballou said. But they had decided, together, not to.

"No-one anticipated we would need a vaccine," said Dr Ballou. "And so both internally and, I think at the WHO, we felt the best approach was to watch very closely".

Seven months on, with the virus out of control, he now concedes: "I think in retrospect we should have pulled that trigger earlier.

"But, you know, it is what it is and we are working very closely with WHO.

"There shouldn't be any finger pointing around this."

Dr Ballou said it would now take some time to assess all of the data to establish the correct dosage and for how long the vaccine was effective. He said that could not be done in time for this latest epidemic.

"At the same time we have to be able to manufacture the vaccine at doses that would be consistent with general use, and that's going to take well into 2016 to be able to do that," he added.

"I don't think this can be seen as the primary answer to this particular outbreak," he said, but the trials under way could help in the future.

"If it does work then to be able to be prepared so that we don't have to go through this again in five years, or whenever the next epidemic is going to break out."

Even if GSK's vaccine does not work, other Ebola vaccines being developed by researchers in Canada and Japan could provide hope for future outbreaks.


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Few years ago we had the same kinda scare with SARS and Swine Flu. Never amounted to anything. I remember there was a case in Toronto and people were all scared it was gonna spread throughout the US. Didn't happen.

Yup, the sky is falling, again.

Good for ratings and selling papers though.

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